This one is difficult. As it happens – the more I tap into my innermost thoughts and feelings, the more complicated it gets.
Apparently, bottling up emotions is not good for you and the healthiest way to deal with unresolved ones is through expression. And this is the part that can be so hard. But since the topic has been occupying my brain on a good portion of this surprisingly sunny and warm morning in London, I’ve decided to let my pen (well, keyboard actually) take conrol.
The trigger for this blog is the latest music coming from the one and only Lady Gaga. A provocative and controversial figure in the public space who once again dominated the charts (and in fact, broke quite a few world records in doing so) with her Mayhem album. In spite of what the title proclaims, to me, it feels like Gaga shows no chaos or confusion through her new music selection. There is this overall notion of her boldness to be a woman who says (sings) exactly what she wants to, without holding back.
Of course, this is not untypical for her and the music she creates – and this is far from my statement here.
What I wanted to shed some light on is the continuum in her work and, specifically, in two of her prominent songs that, at least to me, draw notable similarities.
The first (and granted, her most popular song and among the most iconic pop hits from the whole 00s era) example is ‘Bad Romance’ – the song that turned not only into a very catchy anthem but also created shockwaves around the world with its scandalous (but we could all agree, also quite original) video.
In the song, she says she wants what appers to be her platonic love interest to materialise in the real world. The desire for friends turning to lovers is an obvious theme, but what made me contemplate this topic this morning is the level of readiness to learn about and accept everything that the other person is about, including their ‘ugly’ and their ‘disease’.
This notion crops up once more – and this time, it speaks louder – in ‘Disease’, the lead single for Mayhem. Looking at the lyrics, the protagonist tells the story of seeing her love interest in their worst shape they had ever been in (‘beggin’ for life’, ‘tortured’ when they sleep and ‘plagued’ with their memories). Still, not only is she not afraid or appalled by witnessing their ‘sickness’, but what’s more – she is openly confident that she can bring the cure for all of this agony.
It is a bold statement of strength, hope and courage; it is a willingness and readiness to be aware, receptive, attentive and accepting of the other person’s struggles. But here is the catch – all of this is possible if the recepient of the message would let it.
These songs made me think about vulnerability and how much of a touchy topic it is. In a romantic aspect, it requires both people in the relationship to accept each other’s so-called weaknesses – only if they had accepted those in themselves first, though.
It’s easy to go about in life half-heartedly, with a mask that depicts you as an easy-going, fun to be around, ‘cool’ kind of person who’s not easily phased. That way, not a lot can hurt you – because it’s one thing to be rejected for the on-the-surface bits of you that don’t really quite define you. It’s a whole different story when you put the cards on the table, stand in the whole ‘nakedness’ of your soul and ask to be accepted for who you really are, with all your flaws, weaknesses, silliness and demons.
So, these two songs clearly serve as an invitation to this. Demonstrating desire, willingness, openness and strength to handle the ‘ugly’ of the other. And isn’t precisely this what being authentic is about – and what true love and acceptance are made of?
Of course, many other music works speak of the same. One of my most favourite songs by Muse serves as a perfect illustration here. In ‘Undisclosed Desires’, Matt Bellamy wants his love interest not to hide, so that he can unleash what’s behind the mask and help ‘reconcile the violence’ in their heart.
Another great example would come from Cyndi Lauper’s ‘True Colors’ where the protagonist sees beneath the surface and appreciates the beauty that comes with someone showing their true colours, ‘like a rainbow’.
And I’ll finish this post off with Bastille’s ‘Flaws’ which is as deeply vulnerable as possible, as the protagonist admits the hardship to ’dig up’ the long-time buried (what he perceives as) ‘flaws’. Despite this, he shows readiness to break this pattern and finally show everything he is about, ‘so nothing’s left untouched’.
I am sure that there are many more examples here, and I expect to keep expanding this list and update this blog post accordingly as time goes.
But for now, as a conclusion, I hate to admit that there is no way around using a cliché to convey my point – love starts with the journey towards accepting and loving yourself. And this yourself package comes with all the ‘weaknesses’, all the ‘flows’ and all the ‘shadows’ (using the quotation marks on purpose, as these are so-called weaknesses, etc. – but truly, they are simply nuances and layers that simply make you genuine). It’s high time we – as individuals, in our roles as lovers and partners, as a society even – embraced vulnerability, because this is what makes us human, hence – beautiful.
P.S.: It’s not a coincidence that one of the top 10 most popular TED Talks of all time tackles specifically the topic of vulnerability and the power that comes with it. Highly recommended!
The Music Guide 